Who else wants a measurable result?

While I was sitting down this morning having a cup of coffee and reading the sports section, I noticed two golf ads. One ad was for some golf seminars...learning Hogan's Secrets, etc. The other was for a golf course in Virginia. I live in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Here's the seminar ad. Here's the Virginia ad.

The ads, which were stacked on page 6C, provide a classic example of direct response versus branding.

The direct response ad isn't perfect...there are some things I would change. But it's got some good elements...like the low price and the irresistible offer...a greens fee if you go to the seminar.

If you opened the ads, the seminar ad looks like the one in the paper. The Primland ad looks terrible in the paper; I think it's a massive mistake to run color in the newspaper; I can go with some spot color but no four color.

The Primland ad is completely terrible from a response standpoint. It's not even good from a branding standpoint. In the paper, the massive clubhouse looks like something from a Hitchcock movie and there's what can only be a nuclear missile launch silo next to the clubhouse. The headline is "The views are stunning. Then you look outside." It's clever, perhaps, but the view is not stunning, it's awful. The row of small photos at the top of the ad cannot be discerned in print; online, the ad looks like it includes a photo of a bidet. NICE!!!!!

OK - so Primland's USP is...WE HAVE THE NICEST BIDETS!

The body copy for the Primland ad is about 8 point and set on a yellow background and cannot be seen. It's a good thing: it's sheer drivel and the writer has clearly never even seen a golf club. The phone number is the phone number on the website, so there's no way to measure response, which is a good thing...for the agency and the newspaper, who cannot now be held accountable.

The people putting on the golfer's seminar will know their response and their ROI. I imagine they're trying to sell something else but who cares? At least the seminar boys are not flushing money straight down the toilet.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...if you're in the golf business, do not run ads like the Primland one. Use direct response techniques and measure your response. The beauty of direct response is...you can get a response AND position your ad.

I'm sorry Primland but you're totally wasting your money and I hope you can make some changes or get out of your contracts. Doubt me? OK...how much revenue did your ad in today's paper generate? How may emails did you harvest from the ad?

I solve the web copy bottleneck problem...I'm the fastest direct response copywriter. For my copywriting website, go here.

Charlotte copywriter: www.scottmartinwriting.com

North Carolina copywriter: www.scottmartinwriting.com

Direct response copywriting; direct response copywriter.

How to end job description confusion

For a freelance writer, the job of finding work has changed dramatically. I guess I'm old school because I still believe you have to FIND the work you want instead of waiting for it to come to you. Looking for work through websites is somewhat in the middle of all this mess and I've been exploring this middle ground.

There are corporate sites and sites like eLance; the latter is somewhat organized but other sites are pretty much the Wild West. The other day, I bid on a project, won the work, and discovered that the "client" was a pimp. I'm not joking. And I respectfully declined even though it was great money. There's no food in the fridge and no gas in the car but I feel morally superior.

But let's get back to job descriptions.

I go through at least 30 job descriptions a day, maybe more. A job description is copywriting: the person advertising the job is trying to persuade the best candidates to apply...or that's the theory. There's some interesting writing. Three examples (fair use).

OK--so you don't take this direct response copywriter to client meetings. But, if he's writing copy that produces amazing results, who cares what he looks like?

"The writer will collaborate to define the content needed and then refine it through stakeholder feedback, legal and compliance reviews and usability testing."

"I'm interested in affordable and dependable. Someone who is honest and eager to be involved in a large web project, that has plenty of work - and consistent, predictable pay schedules."

"You’ll work closely with your Creative Director to ensure that the team’s creative efforts are as efficient and impactful as possible."

I find all of the above confusing and vague.

As a direct response copywriter, here's the job description I want to see.

WARNING: ONLY APPLY FOR THIS DIRECT RESPONSE COPYWRITING JOB IF YOU CAN WRITE TO SELL AND CAN PROVE IT

We're a profit-driven direct response advertising agency that's looking for a direct response copywriter who can write copy that produces great big globs of cash. Your work WILL help us make more dough than we're currently making. DO NOT SEND A VAPID RESUME AND MILQUETOAST COVER LETTER but, instead, send samples of work and please detail how much money the writing produced.

Yes, we know that our mission statement says that we care about the community and corporate philanthropy. Let the people who work in that department worry about that stuff. Your job is to generate money by writing revenue-generating copy.

If you want to commute, work in our trendy exposed brick office, and spend most of the morning deciding where to have lunch, that's fine. If you want to move to Siberia and communicate with us by semaphore and morse code, that's perfectly OK. If you want to write between ski runs on Aspen Mountain, that's beautiful. We really DO NOT CARE. In fact, we don't really care about any of the following.

• What you look like


• Length of experience (agency or otherwise)


• Age


• What sort of pants you wear


• Political leanings


• What sort of car you drive


• Where you went to university


• IF you went to university


• Collaborative experience in a team-oriented environment


• How well you work with others


• What type of dog you own

There's only one thing we care about...CAN YOU WRITE COPY THAT PRODUCES A RESULT? PREFERABLY A HUGE RESULT...

Because you're confident that you can actually write really well, we're going to base at least 30 per cent of your compensation on what you actually produce, with no limit. If your copy makes a ton of money, you'll make a pile of cash. If not, we'll find another writer. WE WANT YOU TO MAKE A BIG STACK OF BILLS EVERY DAY. In fact, if you want a deal that's based totally on revenue, that's fine. After all, as a direct response copywriter, you're a salesperson in print and all great salespeople want to work on commission WITH NO LIMITS.

One more thing...because we're a totally money-grubbing and results-driven agency, we attract only the most money-grubbing and results-driven clients and customers. We only sell great products that solve real-world problems. So the potential is huge if you want to go royalty only.

Send those writing samples NOW as speed is extremely important to us. And send something that tells us why we should hire you.

All we care about is making sure that you can produce revenue for us. LOTS of revenue. Email here or send your samples via morse code to....

Now THAT'S a job description that interests me. If you're in human resources and you're the person who writes the job descriptions, please lose the verbosity and corporate-speak and LEVEL with all of us. Or at least me.

I solve the web copy bottleneck problem. For my copywriting website, go here.

Charlotte copywriter: www.scottmartinwriting.com

North Carolina copywriter: www.scottmartinwriting.com

You’ll Find Some of the Best Direct Response Copywriting—In the Airplane

Some people hate to fly and find traveling a big nuisance. I’m not one of them. I love flying, I love airplanes, and I love going to see current clients and people I would love to have as clients. When Mark McCormack, the guy who founded IMG, was building his business, he would fly across the country to meet someone he wanted to do business with, even if it meant just 15 minutes with the prospective client. I’ve done exactly the same and it’s always been worth the effort. Yes—sitting next to an obese person in a tank top is never pleasant, especially when she snores, and getting stuck in a blizzard is no fun but send me to the airport and I’m a happy camper. From my toddler years, I’ve loved airplanes and, even today, I can spot the difference between an Airbus A321 and A320 in less than a second. I’m an aero-geek and I happily admit this, even in public on a blog.

Roger Roger--Put this DR Copywriter on a Plane Anytime

But I’m getting off subject.

For the avid direct response copywriter, there’s a reason to love to fly: going through the in-flight magazine and the SkyMall catalog is a like going through one of the best copywriting textbooks ever written. It’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of DR. Let’s take a look at SkyMall first.

At worst, the headlines are basic but effective and benefit-driven.

“Say Goodnight to Bunions!”

“Read Deleted Cell Phone Messages.”

At best, many of the headlines are excellent. Here’s a great example of a question headline.

“This person is able to sleep comfortably in any seat! Can you say the same?”

To be honest, the device looks uncomfortable but I’ve noticed the same device in SkyMall for well over 15 years. Maybe the headline has something to do with the success.

Let’s face it, some of the headlines HAVE to be good as some of the products in SkyMall are a touch marginal. Do I really need a feather duster that telescopes to reach the corner of a cathedral ceiling? Do I really want to hear conversations 200 yards away?

The body copy isn’t exactly chopped liver, either. And even though there there’s a lot crammed into the catalog, there’s a TON of copy…another great lesson.

Which takes me to my next point. Take a look at the in-flight magazine. Several businesses have built their success around direct response advertising in these magazines. I’ve been flying at least once every six weeks for about 15 years and I see the same companies pop up.

Bored on a plane? If you're into DR copywriting check out SkyMall for the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good is really good, though.

Whether it’s a smaller display ad or a two-page spread, the advertisers that have been advertising in these publications for years use DR techniques. Great headlines. Lots of interesting copy. Irresistable offers. Call to action. Selling happiness, etc.

And the companies that try to be clever and “creative” and out-of-the-box? They last a year, maybe less, then they’re gone.

Here’s a great headline for an exercise machine that costs a small fortune and looks like a medieval torture device.

“Exercise in Exactly Four Minutes a Day”

This product has been part of the in-flight magazine for as long as I can remember so it must be working and it must be selling well.

Bose has headphones it’s been advertising in the in-flight magazines for more than a decade. This headline isn’t world-beating but it’s straightforward. And the headline is wrapped right around a great photo of the product. It takes less than a second to get the benefit and the benefit of the product.

“New. Quieter than Ever Before.”

This ad for a dating service has a clever headline that doesn’t really work but the sub-head is excellent.

Headline…

“Why log in when you can go out?”

Subhead

“It’s Just Lunch is the ‘real people’ dating service that skips online profiles and hand-selects matches.”

They should have hand-selected the sub-head. The body copy is good. It has to be...the competition in this market it fierce...I’m told.

Message to marketing decision makers: if you’re going to advertise in SkyMall or the in-flight magazine, DO EXACTLY WHAT THE COMPANIES WHO HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFULLY MARKETING FOR YEARS IN THESE PUBLICATIONS DO.

How difficult is that?

P.S. I just put down the tray table and here’s a good headline for a cold remedy.

“Ground your cold before it takes off.”